this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
