there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
