I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
