It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
