then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
