It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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