Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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