my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
