you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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