I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
