Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drunk is a universal language darling
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