i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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