I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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