filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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