you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
