I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
