oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
