i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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