I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
