He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
