If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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