He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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