i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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