Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
