you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
