I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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