what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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