My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she pinky promised me she was 18
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
