The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
