After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
