I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bring me that man meat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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