Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
