Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
