I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
