This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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