If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
