listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
