I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
