I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
