she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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