I've blown a few things in my day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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