i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
