The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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