My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
