Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
