I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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