Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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