That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
