i barfeds in our rink
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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