he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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